As my twitter followers know, I have been challenged to go on 52 dates in 2010. I am way off pace, but finally met someone for date number 1. Here’s what happened, how successful my dating techniques are, and my mistakes.
I met The Possum on Saturday at a restaurant with a bar area. She was sitting at the little end of an L shaped bar. I directed my group of guys so that I could end up next to her at the end of the long side of the L. That’s right, I intentionally positioned it so I could sit next to her. Never leave positioning to chance if you can avoid it. Then I found a reason to engage her in polite conversation.
At some point a dude she was trying to do business with showed up. I tried to let her conduct her business with the hope she’d finish up and I could resume picking her up, but my buddies started talking to them and that made it easier to re-engage with her. Now why did I stop? Well, I personally think that we shouldn’t try to hit on people while they are doing business with someone. Just my own personal thing.
Anyway, during my conversation with The Possum, I made it a point to keep the conversation light and funny. Somehow we got on the discussion of relationships. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to connect with her. I just agreed with most of what she said. At this point the entire group is conversing about relationships. It was fun for her and no one was hitting on her with the normal pick up lines that women get in bars. Instead we made a natural connection.
Now we are in this group conversation, how do I stand out? Remember I placed myself next to my target. I started the conversation with her. Because of the seating, I was also able to get fairly close with her and invade her personal space a bit. During the conversation, I asked her questions about her like what was her favorite drink, why was she at the bar alone, what was the business deal, etc. I even apologized for interrupting her business meeting. Nothing stellar, but I tried to make my conversation with her much more personal, let her know I was interested in her as a person, and interested in getting to know her.
The other key thing that I did during this entire period was that I touched her. I touched her a lot. Not in an offensive way, but I would touch her hand to make a point or to agree with her. I would also touch her when I said her name. Again, the point was to make a good bond with her where she felt comfortable around me and wanted to see me again. I cannot stress this enough. Touching in a non-offensive way goes a long way in bonding. And people love to hear their own name. Doing both of those things in combination is a powerful technique.
Remember she had a male friend at the table. She made it a point to put announce that he was in the friend zone. It was a sign to me that she was available. There’s so much more that I could say about him, but my buddies and I agreed that he could have had The Possum if he’d had the right coach. Instead, he paid for her food, and I got a date with her. But I’m jumping a head.
At some point there was some discussion about what I did and her male friend asked for one of my cards. I gave him one, but did not give her one. Instead, I noticed that she had a pink post it pad. I took it and hand wrote it on her post it pad, then stuck it on the page she had open in her day-timer appointment book and leaned in and told her to call me. Now I screwed up here because I wrote my actual cell number on the post it. If you read me, you know I advocate giving out the google voice number. I just haven’t memorized mine yet. I also took a big chance at this point, because most women won’t call you unless you make a serious connection with them.
Since we were trading business cards, I took this as my opportunity to get her cell phone number. That’s right, I always ask for the cell phone number. If I get that I can reach her anywhere and I know I’m in good with her. What did I do? I asked her for her business card and she gave it to me. I then asked her to write her cell phone number on the back. She said it was already on there. Sweet.
I let the conversation progress back to relationships. At some point, she was a bit tipsy and her friend was nearing drunk. He made an crazy comment about how he or we should get her more drunk. I took it as an opportunity to show her I would “protect her” and said, that’s it your cut off. It was a symbolic and empty gesture. I ordered me a water. I can hold my liquor and since I’m working, drinking makes you sloppy. Which unfortunately led to my next mistake.
I leaned over and said, “So can I take you to dinner?” She said, “Yes.” A yes I barely heard as I was contemplating banging my head on the bar. Never invite a woman to dinner as a first date. Ever. This was a particularly tragic mistake as The Possum had already pointed out that even for her “business” date with her friend she wanted an upscale location which translates into expensive. First dates should never be expensive because I’m the one paying for it.
Since me and my buddies had an appointment, I wrapped up the conversation with The Possum by saying I wish I could stay longer, wish I could have bought her another drink and looked forward to talking to her soon.
So was I successful? Did my technique work? Remember when I said that women rarely call guys unless they are interested and there’s been some bonding. She called me the next morning. I quickly set up our first date.
Happy dating.
Addendum
Since writing this I have been on two dates with The Possum and S1 has earned the name “The Possum”. What was interesting about our date yesterday was that she critiqued my moves from when I picked her up. So I thought I would give you some of her assessment.
First, she said that I should have been much more aggressive when her friend came around. I should have either announced me intentions to continue to talk to her later or made a point of finishing my pick up before she started to talk to him. In her words, her friend was no invading my yard and it was my job to kick the gate closed on him.
Second, she did not notice the maneuvering that I did to sit next to her. I had to recount our entrance to point out to her that I did in fact ensure that I would sit next to her. She finally admitted that I she noticed me and one of my friends pause before sitting.
Third she claimed that she was hurt when I didn’t offer her a business card. She also noted that her life was in her day planner and just smiled when I pointed out that I put my actual cell phone number in a spot that she wouldn’t lose it.
So that’s her position. Do my techniques work? Well I got her number. She called me. I won’t ruin the first or second date stories, but they will be posted soon.
